An Espada Christmas
by Naotoki Yamanouchi
Summary: When Aizen decides he wants to celebrate Christmas, Ulquiorra is not too thrilled with the idea. Can Stark, Szayel, Grimmjow, Noitora, and Orihime make him see the light? Or will he be executed for disobeying Aizen's orders?


**A/N**: Another fic wrote by yours truly in dedication to Serene Ice Dragon. Merry Christmas, Serene! I should probably be shot for writing this. That said, if you want to shoot me, please refrain from doing so until after Christmas. Thank you. If you like it, please review. Enjoy!

* * *

His head hurt. That was his first thought upon waking. His head was in pain, and he didn't know what the cause of the pain was. His second thought was why was there music playing in his bedroom? The music was horrible and had been the reason his peaceful sleep had been shattered. It was a foreign tune, far too happy and cheerful for him to comprehend. His brilliantly colored emerald green eyes snapped open, only to be slammed shut again as a blinding rainbow assaulted his line of vision.

Ulquiorra Schiffer slowly re-opened his eyes and stared at the brightly shining torture. Thousands upon thousands of sparkling, rainbow-colored lights hung from strings on every free surface of his wall space. In the corner of his room, someone had placed a C.D. player on his dresser. He walked over to it, calmly, and popped the CD out. A smiling woman in peculiar red clothing stared back at him. The words "Christmas Classics" were painted in the space beside her. He curled his hand around the thin plastic disk, smiling slightly as it gave a very satisfying snapping sound as it shattered under his white fingers. He ignored the golden necklace that had also been placed on the dresser and stomped over to his door, pushing past the icicle lights suspended from the door space and stumbling into the hallway that connected the bedrooms of the first five Espada members and their fraccion.

"Aw, come on man. What the fuck is all this shit!?"

Well, Noitora Jiruga was awake. As if things weren't bad enough. From the sound of Noitora's cry, his fellow Espada member had woken up to a similar situation.

"Tesla! Get your ass in here!"

Ulquiorra could hear Noitora's blonde fraccion scrambling from his bed to get to his master's room. He didn't normally let curiosity get the better of him, but when he heard Tesla say "I'm trying, Master Noitora, but they won't come undone" he had to go investigate.

He didn't bother to knock on the door, just pushed his way in. Had the ceiling in Noitora's bedroom collapsed in the middle of the night? The entire floor was covered in white powder. In the center of the room, Tesla was struggling to free Noitora from the tight web of white icicle lights that held the frail-looking man to his bed.

"Why is everyone being so loud?", a sleepy voice asked.

Ulquiorra felt like he could cry as Stark came to stand beside him.

Tesla stopped tugging at the web-work of lights and Noitora ceased his profanity.

"Uhhh...Master Stark...", Tesla said nervously.

"Eh?" Stark frowned. "How many times do I have to tell you. Just Stark is fine."

"Right...uhhh..."

Tesla's gaze remained fixed on Stark's head. His visible brown eye was huge, and Ulquiorra had a feeling the one behind his eye patch was just as wide.

Noitora finally found his voice.

"What the fuck do you have on your head!?"

Stark rose a hand and pulled the pointy red and green cap off his head. A huge, golden bell bobbed back and forth, clanking and chiming. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Better than waking up tied down in a mess of lights"

Ulquiorra stepped aside so his superior could get through the doorway. Stark came up beside Tesla and looked at the death trap of lights. He pointed at a break in the swirling pattern.

"Pull there"

The blonde fraccion scrambled to do as he was told, much to Stark's amusement.

The lights loosened. Tesla stared in shock as the bindings slacked under his small hands. It took about two more minutes of pulling, pushing, and tugging, but finally, Noitora was free from his bonds.

"Well, I am going back to bed now. See you guys at the meeting."

Noitora swung his too-thin legs over the side of his bed, but made no attempt to actually get up. He, like his fraccion, was staring at Stark with a dumbfounded expression on his face.

Stark put the red and green cap back on his head and walked out of the room, faintly whistling a happy tune.

Ulquiorra, Noitora, and Tesla all exchanged looks.

"I think the fucker's lost his marbles", Noitora said as he pushed his long black hair away from his face. He rose slowly from his bed. "Then again, I guess you can't lose what you never had."

Ulquiorra privately agreed, but he couldn't let Noitora know that.

"Have some respect. He is your superior" he frowned. "And I think he knows something."

"Eh, Whatever", Noitora shrugged his bony shoulders. He pointed a finger at the mess on the floor. "Tesla, clean that up."

Ulquiorra quietly excused himself and went back to his room, where he tore down all the lights and handed them off to Loli and Menoly for disposal. He didn't care what those two crazy women did with them as long as they were away from him. Once his room was back to its normal plain and bare state, he got himself ready for the Espada meeting.

* * *

Two hours later, he found himself seated at the long table where their meetings were held. They now sat in two rows according to number ranking, which meant he always sat between Halibel and Noitora. His eyes roamed around the table. Stark was dozing in his chair at the very front of the first row, the silly hat still on his head. Between Stark and Halibel was Barragan, who looked just as grumpy as ever. Yami sat across from Noitora, looking so clueless Ulquiorra once again wondered how a man like him even got into the Espada. Seated across from Ulquiorra was Aaroneiro, who was warily eying Szayel Apporo who sat across from Halibel. Ulquiorra eyed the pink-haired scientist, too. There was a box in front of him-containing what, Ulquiorra was sure he didn't want to know. Beside Szayel and across from Barragan, Zomari meditated in his seat, and at the front of the second row, across from Stark, sat Grimmjow, drumming his fingers idly on the table with an expression that clearly stated he did not want to be there.

The doors swung open and in sauntered a brown-haired man of medium height and build, flanked closely by two taller, slimmer men. Other than their shared height, the taller men were direct opposites of each other-one unusually pale, with silver hair and a creepy smile, the other dark-skinned and black-haired, his blind eyes hidden behind a visor. They were Lord Aizen and his second-in-commands, Ichimaru and Tousen. Today, however, they seemed different-Aizen's brown eyes reflected a warmth none of them had ever seen before, while Ichimaru, who always smiled, appeared to be smiling genuinely for once. Even Tousen seemed at ease-his posture was relaxed and he didn't look like he was ready to hack off the arm of anyone who dared to back-talk Aizen.

"My dear Espada", Aizen said in normal, fatherly voice. "I have much to discuss with you. But first, our tea."

As if on cue, a kitchen arrancar came in with a tray that held thirteen cups. All of them were white, but Aizen's was rimmed in gold at the top. Ichimaru and Tousen had silver-rimmed mugs. The Espada members ranked two through ten were given mugs that held their number on them, each number in a different color. Stark, as the first Espada, was given a mug that held an outline of a one in a bronze color, but the inside of the number was left white. Ulquiorra spun his mug, with its green four, around but did not drink. It was very rare that anyone other than Aizen, and occasionally Ichimaru if Jasmine tea was served, actually drank their tea. None of them were really big on the stuff.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Szayel drop something into his mug, which bore a number eight in pink. He shrugged and decided to ignore it. What did he care if the crazy scientist wanted to poison himself? Or herself...were they actually sure Szayel was a man? He entertained this thought while Aizen droned on and on about some holiday that he celebrated when he was a Shinigami that was coming up. Christmas, it was called. Usually Ulquiorra held on to Aizen's every word, but this time, he couldn't care less. Their King was kind of scary when he talked, with unusual enthusiasm, about the festivities that would take place in Hueco Mundo. Finally, it ended.

"Szayel Apporo, I take it you have finished?", Aizen asked, nodding to the scientist.

"Yes, Lord Aizen", Szayel replied politely. "It is completed, just as you requested."

"Very good", Aizen said, and his smile widened. "Kindly bring it to me. The rest of you are dismissed."

Now, no one in their right mind would call Yami intelligent. Or refined. Or say he possessed anything even remotely resembling manners and civilization. It wasn't for lack of effort, either. Szayel had tried-they all had, even Stark, and at one point, Aizen himself-to give Yami tips on proper etiquette. The man just didn't get it. On this particular day, Yami had tried to be the first one out the door after the meeting had ended. He had shoved Aaroneiro, who, while considerably tall compared to the rest of them, had no where near the muscle mass. Aaroneiro staggered, struggling to stay balanced, before falling into the small, effeminate Szayel.

The box in Szayel's hands slipped out and went flying at the other end of the table, towards the first five Espada. Noitora made an attempt to grab it, but the box slipped through his bony hands and crashed onto the floor. There was a collective gasp. Ulquiorra could see the panicked look in Stark's blue eyes as the First Espada shouted "look out".

An explosion soon followed.

Ulquiorra shook his head. Explosions were a near-daily occurrence in Hueco Mundo. He quietly excused himself and retreated back to his room. Christmas? How ridiculous.

* * *

That night, he bathed, pulled on his pajamas, and climbed into bed, same as he always did. He was determined not to think about Christmas again. Within moments, he was asleep.

"Ulquiorra..."

Ulquiorra opened his eyes and saw a pink-haired woman in flowing white robes staring down at him. There was something familiar about the way her shoulder-length hair was secured away from her face with two hair clips and the way her amber eyes glittered behind her white-rimmed glasses. It was then that he realized that, while extremely feminine, the "woman" lacked certain attributes of the female form.

"Szayel?", he asked.

Szayel waggled a long, thin finger.

"I am the ghost of Christmas Past."

"Riiiggght", Ulquiorra muttered, wondering if the scientist had somehow gotten high off of something in his lab. "Szayel, you have five seconds to get out of my room..."

"He can't do that", a second voice piped up. "We've got orders."

Ulquiorra shifted his head and saw Stark, Grimmjow, Orihime, and Noitora standing around in his room. Like Szayel, they wore long robes, but in different colors-Orihime wore pink, Stark, blue, Grimmjow wore black and Noitora was in gray.

"What is going on here?", he demanded.

Stark smiled at him apologetically.

"Sorry, Ulquiorra, but orders are orders. Lord Aizen asked us to do this"

Ulquiorra frowned. As the first Espada, Stark technically was able to tell anyone aside from Lord Aizen and his commanders what to do and they were supposed to follow. The brown-haired man almost never excersized this right, usually letting Barragan bark the orders, but it appeared that he was taking control of the situation now.

"Ok, Ulquiorra. Out of bed."

Stark held out his hand and tugged Ulquiorra out of bed.

Ulquiorra eyed the blue robes the first Espada was wearing.

"What's with the costumes?"

Szayel waggled a finger again.

"All in due time, Ulquiorra. All in due time. Well, now. Shall we start this?"

Noitora rolled his eyes.

"Let's get a move on, retard. I don't have all fucking night."

"I wouldn't put it quite that harshly, but I agree with Noitora. I want to go to sleep", Stark said.

"This woman is driving me insane. Are you sure Lord Aizen said he had to take her?", Grimmjow added.

"Stop cursing, you sleep fifteen hours a day, and yes, Lord Aizen said Miss. Inoue needed some excersize", Szayel answered all of them at once.

He smiled at Ulquiorra, and the fourth Espada suddenly forgot the scientist was four ranks below him. The look in those bizarre amber eyes was so creepy he almost shuddered.

"Come along then, Stark, Ulquiorra, if you please. The rest of you, we'll be seeing you later."

* * *

Ulquiorra mutely followed behind the overly cheerful scientist, Stark trailing behind them with a sleepy expression on his face. Szayel practically skipped to his lab. For a fleeting second, Ulquiorra wondered if Aizen had been so offended by his lack of caring for his Shinigami holiday that he asked Szayel to do an experiment on him and sent Stark to ensure he cooperated. But then why would he involved Grimmjow, Noitora, and Orihime?

Szayel flicked on a switch and a huge screen came down. Ulquiorra relaxed.

"So, as I said, I am the ghost of Christmas past. If you ever read A Christmas Story, you'd understand that I am supposed to show you past events. However, since we've never celebrated Christmas in Hueco Mundo, I am afraid I have to resort to an event from Lord Aizen's past."

Ulquiorra felt mildly interested. Behind him, Stark tilted his head.

"Where did you get information on Lord Aizen's past?," the blue-eyed man asked.

"Hmmm...how do I say this? That's for me to know."

The lights dimmed in Szayel's lab, and a video started to play on the screen. On the screen appeared a younger-looking Sousuke Aizen clad in black Shinigami robes. The Aizen on the screen wore his wavy brown hair messy, a complete contradiction to the neatly gelled-back hair of their king. He also had on a pair of glasses with thick black frames.

"Sousuke", a mellow-sounding voice called. "Bring me that box of ornaments, will ya?"

A...man?-Ulquiorra assumed from the voice it was male, but it could have just as easily been a really ugly female-with long blond hair came into view. He (or was it she?) wore robes similar to Aizen's, but a white coat covered his (her?) shoulders, signifying a captain's rank.

Aizen picked up the box and brought it over to the blonde...thing.

"Thank you, you lazy bum."

Aizen sighed.

"I don't mean you any disrespect, Captain, but wasn't I the one telling you weeks ago we needed to get this tree decorated?"

"Yeah, yeah...", the blonde mumbled. "Where's that creepy little brat who follows you around all the time?"

"Gin is not creepy, Captain Hirako. He is exceptionally intelligent. However, he is outside playing with that Rangiku girl."

The captain gave his lieutenant a blank stare. Aizen sighed.

"She was just admitted to the tenth division..."

Ulquiorra and Stark exchanged glances with each other. Both of them knew Ichimaru's first name was Gin, but they were confused. The way the conversation was going, it sounded like Ichimaru was a young child.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, a small, silver-haired boy came onto the screen, followed closely by a little girl with chin-length red hair.

"Lieutenant Aizen!", the little girl cried, practically throwing herself into Aizen's arms. "I was telling Gin about Santa Claus, but he keeps saying Santa's a myth and not real!"

The young Ichimaru crossed his arms.

"Because he's not. Right, Captain Hirako?"

"Pft", the blonde said. "Of course not. Why would anyone want to believe in some fat old pervert going around the entire world in one night anyway?"

The little girl's lip trembled, like she was about to cry.

"Don't cry, Rangiku. Gin and Captain Hirako don't know what they're talking about."

Rangiku sniffed as Aizen gave her a hug and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"They don't?"

"We don't?", the one called Captain Hirako asked, exchanging glances with Ichimaru.

"No, you don't. You're a smart man, Captain Hirako. I figured you would know about Santa."

Captain Hirako rolled his eyes.

"Sousuke, you know one person can't travel the whole planet in one night."

Aizen smiled and set the little girl named Rangiku back down.

"Well, Captain, I don't deny that it is impossible for one man to travel the planet in a single night, but that doesn't mean Santa Claus wasn't a real person."

Ichimaru and Rangiku both stared at Aizen with wide eyes. Ulquiorra noted, with some amusement, that Ichimaru's eyes were also green, but a much lighter shade than his were. Captain Hirako rolled his eyes.

"Go ahead and feed them wild stories if you must, Sousuke. I am going to get this tree up."

"Santa Claus was really real?", Ichimaru asked. It was pretty obvious that young Ichimaru was quicker to follow Aizen than he was their captain. It was also fairly obvious that this little fact irritated the captain.

Aizen knelt down and the children settled down beside him. The little girl named Rangiku put her small hands on Aizen's knee.

"What was Santa like?"

"Well", Aizen replied, smiling much the same way he'd been smiling at the meeting. "His real name was Chris Kringle See, when Mr. Kringle lived, most of the families where he lived were very poor and could not afford toys for their children on Christmas. Mr. Kringle would spend the year making toys, and then on Christmas eve, he would go around and leave toys on the doorsteps for the children to find Christmas morning..."

The story continued until the children fell asleep and Aizen found blankets and pillows for them. When the clip was finally over, the lights flicked on in Szayel's lab. The pink-haired scientist was no where to be seen, but Ulquiorra heard a retching noise. A moment later, Szayel reappeared.

"Were you just throwing up?", Stark asked, sounding slightly concerned.

"I must say that was too sweet for me", Szayel muttered.

"They were just kids", Stark replied.

"......Are you...sure that was Lord Aizen?", Ulquiorra asked, horrified by what he had just witnessed. "He just....willingly...sat down on the floor and told Christmas stories to two small children."

"Great leaders need some kind of kindness backing them up", Stark pointed out. "No one is going to willingly follow a man who shows nothing but pain and cruelty."

"Ahem", Szayel cut the argument short. "We are on a time schedule here. Please, follow me. The second vision is waiting for you."

He led the way back to Ulquiorra's bedroom and opened the door.

"Noitora, Ulquiorra is ready for you."

"Wait, you mean I'm done?", Stark asked.

"For now, yes", Szayel replied.

Stark wasted no time getting into Ulquiorra's bed and going to sleep.

* * *

"Let's get a move on", Noitora growled, stalking out the door to Ulquiorra's room.

Ulquiorra followed, confused as to where Noitora was taking him.

After several long minutes, the pair was back in the Espada meeting hall. The hall was decorated, but the decorations were peaceful, very much unlike the ones they'd discovered in their bedrooms. Ulquiorra looked at the sparking white lights that bathed the room in an ethereal glow. Even he could appreciate their beauty.

"Right, so, I'm the ghost of Christmas present", here Noitora's visible eye rolled. "Szayel and his fucked-up ideas. I swear if I find out Lord Aizen didn't tell him to do this exactly the way we're executing it, I will rip his god-damned tongue out and feed it to him!"

Ulquiorra would gladly help him, but he kept that thought to himself.

"So last time Szayel showed us a video of Lord Aizen's past...what are we doing here?"

The sooner he got Noitora focused again, the sooner they would finish this ridiculous night time stroll and the sooner he could kick Stark out of his bed.

Noitora frowned.

"I guess I'm supposed to show you the blinkin' lights."

The lanky Espada staggered back as his foot came in contact with a button on the floor. A screen like the one in Szayel's lab came down and blinked on.

"The fuck!?", Noitora yelled.

"Shhh...", Ulquiorra murmured, his eyes fixed on the screen. Please don't let him have to watch Aizen do any more weird stuff. He was going to forever have nightmares about his king telling stories to small children.

Aizen was seated in a cozy-looking room that Ulquiorra had never seen before. This was the Aizen of present-day, clad in his white uniform. In his hand, he held a book, and a cup of steaming tea was on the table in front of him.

"Sousuke, the tree looks crooked", Ichimaru observed from his seat across from Aizen.

Aizen smiled.

"It's fine, Gin. It doesn't look crooked to me at all."

"I don't think the Espada are too big on the whole Christmas thing", Ichimaru said lazily.

Noitora's visible purple eye was wide with shock.

"Fucking Szayel! How did the fairy freak rig that up!?"

Ulquiorra bit his lip. Watching a clip of Aizen's past was one thing. Watching him hold a clearly private conversation with his favorite subordinate-who, Ulquiorra had just learned, was young enough to be his son-was like spying on him. It felt so wrong. Ulquiorra found himself willing to participate in Aizen's weird holiday just to get out of watching this video.

"They'll come around", Aizen was saying on the screen. "The idea is new to them."

"Come on", Ulquiorra told Noitora. "I don't want to watch this anymore. Take me back to my room."

The tall man nodded, for once at a loss of words. They walked back to Ulquiorra's bedroom in silence.

* * *

"That was fast", Szayel commented cheerfully.

"Why do you have a spy cam set up in Lord Aizen's room?", Ulquiorra demanded.

Orihime gasped at hearing him string so many words together at once.

Szayel feigned an innocent smile.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Bullshit!", Grimmjow and Noitora yelled together.

"You set up a spy cam in Lord Aizen's room?", Orihime asked.

"Of course not", Szayel said. "Though I don't know how Ulquiorra is expected to learn stuff from Christmas Present if he can't look at stuff from the present."

"Whatever", Grimmjow muttered. "You ready to go?"

His voice was sour. It was obvious there were many things he'd rather do-such as allow Tousen to take his arm off again and permit Szayel to remove his appendix. Maybe both at the same time. Without anesthesia.

Ulquiorra nodded and trailed behind him, only vaguely aware of Orihime's happy chatter beside him. Grimmjow led the way to a very peculiar spot-it was the spot where public executions were performed when an arrancar dared to revolt against Lord Aizen. Even Orihime seemed to understand how somber this was-she fell silent almost immediately.

"I really did not want to do this...I am the ghost of Christmas Future...", Grimmjow said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Ulquiorra nodded. He knew no one went onto the execution grounds if they could help it. It was a place that made even the happiest among them-Ichimaru and Szayel-lose their smiles and cringe.

"Are you telling me I will be executed if I don't participate in the holiday?", he asked, already knowing the answer.

"Maybe not for refusing to participate in the holiday, but this is where those who rebel against Lord Aizen wind up...not that I actually care about what happens to you", Grimmjow said. His cheeks flushed slightly with color, embarrassed. "But I know other people would not want to see you die."

His gaze went to the pale-faced girl who had grown so quiet, Ulquiorra had forgotten she was there. She was wringing her hands together, swaying on her spot.

Ulquiorra frowned hugely. Why had she been brought to the execution grounds, anyway? What was her purpose?

"If you, Noitora, and Szayel were the ghosts of future, present, and past, what were the roles of Stark and the woman...Orihime?"

"Stark was supposed to the spirit of peace and harmony...the girl is the angel of kindness and good will towards men."

It all made sense to Ulquiorra now. Sort of. Not really. Ok, not at all.

"Can we go back now?", he asked.

"Yeah. Come on, Orihime"

They retreated back to the castle, Ulquiorra's thoughts reeling as he tried to put things in perspective.

* * *

"Ulquiorra? Ulquiorra? Can you hear me?"

Szayel's voice pulled him from his slumber. He carefully blinked open his eyes and glanced around. He was back in his room, in his bed, Szayel poking him with a long, thin finger. Orihime was sleeping at his bedside. Crowded around the doorway were Grimmjow, Noitora, and Stark.

"What happened?", he asked as he realized he had been dreaming.

"Yami caused another explosion", Szayel rolled his eyes. "What else is new? Lord Aizen was quite mad about that one, though. He wanted that potion. You got caught in the crossfire..."

At that, Ulquiorra immediately checked to make sure his arms, legs, and torso were all in tact. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found himself in one piece.

"Think Yami will be executed?", Ulquiorra asked.

"Nah. Not for that. Anyhow, you should rest. I will tell Lord Aizen the girl's healing of you was successful. Do you want one of us to take her back to her cell?"

Ulquiorra reguarded her. She had saved his life.

"No", he said softly. "Leave her here."

Szayel nodded and ushered everyone from the room. Once Ulquiorra was sure everyone was away from his room, he crept out of his bed and went to his dresser, wondering if the item was still there. He spotted it and picked it up curiously. He didn't know much about Christmas, except that everyone seemed to let their guard down during the holiday and people exchanged gifts with one another.

He gently shook Orihime's shoulder to wake her up and handed her the necklace.

The girl took it, her gray eyes sparkling.

"Merry Christmas...", he said. "And if you tell anyone about this, I will kill you."

Orihime just laughed and threw herself on him, hugging him happily.

"Merry Christmas!"


End file.
